Guys know about a lot of things...

…apparently baby stuff isn’t one of them.

Guys, guys, guys. Some of you really need to step up your game. The tidal wave of house husbands is starting to make you look downright foolish. Now don’t get me wrong, I know guys aren’t stupid. We know a lot, about a lot of different things––like sports, cars, blue jeans, fishing, the list goes on and on. And I’m right there with you fellas. As many of you probably know, there’s nothing I enjoy more than getting under the hood and working on my car’s carburetor…or struts even. Yes, I would go so far as to say strut repair is one of my favorite leisure time activities. However, just because us guys know all about such manly things, doesn’t mean we can remain completely clueless about our offspring. Look bros, I’m on your side, I really am, so consider this some constructive criticism. After all, the house husband movement is just as much about male empowerment as it is about female empowerment. All of us need to become more well-rounded.

Let me give you a few examples of this male blissful ignorance I have encountered in recent weeks. Presented for your reading pleasure in bulleted list form (take note, here I am exhibiting my well-roundedness…the ability to use both numbered and bulleted lists).

  • I was at one of my favorite local sandwich shops recently (let’s call it the St. Louis Bread Company to keep things anonymous) when a really nice guy approached me while we were waiting for our orders and asked about my stroller. First, to my most loyal readers, I know what you’re thinking, “What happened to your air of inapproachability? Have you gone soft?” (Newer readers, if you’re lost, check this out to help get you up to speed (and aspiring bloggers…that is called self-citation, blogging is all about self-promotion)) Trust me, I have not gone soft…well, with one small exception. There is nothing I like talking about more these days than baby equipment and/or baby statistics…I will go to any lengths to spread the house husband word. So, I was practically giddy when our sandwich shop gentleman asked if my stroller was one of those convertible stroller/car seat things. “Yes, indeed,” I responded, barely able to contain my excitement. I then launched into a nuanced description of the stroller’s features and lay out, complete with pertinent hand gestures. As I was explaining that there was a car seat component that lifts out, but that it had a height/weight limit that Jacob had outgrown, my protégé shook the deer in headlights expression from his face and said, “So, it’s almost not worth getting, huh? Since they outgrow it so fast.” Now, I could be underestimating this guy, as he might be planning to kick it seriously old school and put his baby in a cardboard box in the backseat for the first six months or so, but I’m not entirely sure what his other options are as far as newborn car seats go. My hypothesis, he was suffering from a very common guy problem, a lack of understanding that babies don’t reach Jacob size within 2 or 3 months and zero appreciation of baby weight/height ranges in general. Our next example will illustrate this further… 
  • I was at another one of my favorite sandwich shops recently (let’s call it Subway) and the cashier (a guy, obviously) asked how old Jacob was, because he was, “A beast!” I told him he was around nine months. He said, “Yeah, I have a 12 month old, but she’s tiny…like 28 pounds.” 12 months…28 pounds? I guess that might be tiny…if he has a baby elephant.

See guys, it’s really just the basics. Heights and weights. Car seats and strollers. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no expert on baby stuff, but I’m getting to the point that I can get by. That’s our goal guys…the ability to get by. Remember, since we have successfully played the expectations game over the past several centuries, the bar is so low that we can practically topple over with very minimal effort. Together we can do this.