And We'll Never Be Royals...Or Will We?

First off, congratulations to Will and Kate on the birth of their second child: a girl with a yet to be revealed name (I’m rooting for Katniss or Pixie). 

I always get super pumped when rich and famous people I don’t know have babies. I’m all like, “Yes! Now we have something in common: shared misery of sleepless nights and Disney Junior.” Of course, then I remember all the nannies, chefs, and handservants the royals likely have and it makes me a little sad. It also makes me sad that I don’t know if handservants are a real thing, but I do feel like Will and Kate would have them if they are. And do real princes and princesses watch Sofia the First or would that be too meta?

Anyway, the arrival of the new royal bundle of joy also got me thinking: perhaps Michelle and I should be new couple BFFs with Will and Kate. I’m always on the lookout for new couple friends: you know, a couple to have brunch with on Sunday mornings, take long walks with in the park while pushing our respective prams, and just sit down with over tea and biscuits and talk about life, love, and our encounters with the unwashed masses. And by always on the lookout for, of course, I mean never on the lookout for. After all, why would we mess with a good thing? We have our social schedules firmly booked: Michelle and I take turns watching the kids while the other enjoys some well-deserved downtime. When it’s her turn to escape, Michelle hangs with her gaggle of friends; when it’s mine, I go and sit somewhere by myself. It’s a perfect system.

However, I might risk disrupting this careful equilibrium if Will and Kate submit their application to become our new couple BFF. And, the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced it might just happen. We have a surprising amount in common.

  1. They are the future King and Queen of England; we’ve been to England. 
  2. They are the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge; we’ve lived in Cambridge. 
  3. They have two kids; we have two kids! (Don’t mess this up guys…keep your pants on)
  4. They announced the birth of their children on an easel; we announced the birth of our children…well, not on an easel. But if we happen to have another one, we’re totally doing that because it’s awesome! (Of course we’re not having another one…unless Will and Kate do, then we’ll see) 
  5. They announce the birth of a child and a whole country celebrates; we announce the birth of a child and we get at least 100 likes on Facebook. 
  6. Will has a receding hair line; I don’t really have a receding hair line. (I know that’s not something in common, just wanted to point it out) 
  7. According to the Telegraph, one of their hobbies is walking; we don’t really love walking, but we’re willing to compromise. 
  8. Kate’s wedding dress had a train that was 2.7 meters long; Michelle also had a wedding dress. (By the way, how much is a meter?) 
  9. They met at the University of St. Andrews; we met at the University of Hard Knocks, but did visit St. Andrews once. 
  10. The birth of their children allegedly boosts the UK economy; the birth of our children boosts revenues at Target and Starbucks.

Yes, this is clearly happening. So, Will and Kate (think we’ll call you Wate…or Kill…no, let’s stick with Wate), come on over when you have time. We’ll break out Scattergories; you guys bring the Strongbow and handservants. We promise not to play any Lorde songs.