Vacationing With Your Kids Can Feel Like Traveling Back in Time
/My three children stood together in the open space between the doors of a mostly empty subway car with bright eyes and big smiles. As the train lurched forward, departing a station on the Metro green line somewhere between Greenbelt, Maryland and Gallery Place in D.C., each of them stumbled a bit before regaining their footing and settling into a classic subway surfer’s pose.
“Remember to keep your knees bent and a little loose so you can roll with the movement of the train,” I said to them from my seat a few steps away. They immediately complied. With their knees bent, standing sideways with their arms outstretched, they looked like a line of students at a beginner’s tennis class waiting to hit forehands. If we were trying to pass ourselves off as locals instead of tourists, we were failing, but at least the children were slightly less likely to be falling.
Our train was moving forward toward our destination of the zoo or the National Archives or the Green Day concert or wherever it was we were going that day. Meanwhile, with just a few offhand words about loose knees on a subway train, I was traveling backward. About 30 years back in time.
I traveled with my parents to D.C. several times when I was between the ages of 11 and 13 or so. One of my older sisters lived and worked in the city. We didn’t do a ton of traveling when I was a kid, so those D.C. trips stand out in my memory. And probably the thing I remember most is riding the Metro.
I grew up in a small Florida town where the Orange Julius at the local mall was the centerpiece of the city until the Super Walmart opened when I was in high school. The mall was one of those places that even in the ‘80s felt like it had seen better days, but probably never had. So, needless to say, traveling from a place where hitting the drive-thru at Burger King after school felt like the ultimate adventure, to a place where there was an entire mass transit system with a cool map with lots of colored dots felt extremely exotic.
I remember how proud we were that we managed to maneuver around the Metro without making complete fools of ourselves. I remember how proud I was that my mom told people I was a real pro at deciphering the Metro map. And I remember her developing the theory that if you keep your knees a little loose when you’re standing up on the subway, it’s easier to keep your balance and roll with the movement of the train.
I have no idea how accurate that subway riding advice is but some things require no fact checking. Thirty years have come and gone but as I sat on the plastic seat, the familiarity of the Metro washing over me, it felt like it had only been minutes.
I passed my mom’s advice on without a second thought. Our family legacy of loose knees carries on. A new generation has taken the torch.
So, if you ever see us riding a subway in your area, you’ll know what’s going on. And let’s be honest, it’s extremely likely you’ll be wondering what in the world we’re doing with our knees.
Some quick notes on our 10-day trip to the D.C and Baltimore area:
We flew from Orlando to Baltimore on a Thursday afternoon and I basically have no memory of it so I’m assuming it went fine. The return trip I remember because it did not go fine… more on that in a second.
We went to the aquarium in Baltimore which was pretty decent if a lot overpriced. I was concerned because I read a one-star review online that the aquarium smelled like fish. The reviewer was not wrong so I’m glad they prepared me for that. My nose clip was the envy of the town.
We went to an Orioles game at Camden Yards. It was the kids’ first baseball game of any kind so they had to buy t-shirts with a player name on the back. My 12-year-old selected a player named Cowser. When he was announced in the starting line-up it seemed like the whole crowd erupted in a chorus of “boos” so we were all quite alarmed. Turns out they were mooing.
similar vibes
We drove across a very long bridge so my wife could show us the house she used to live in (time travel again). The children were enamored.
We went to the National Zoo in D.C. The boys and I waited in line to get into the Ape House to see the gorillas and orangutans because that was another core memory of mine. Let me tell you, those guys were still living up to the hype several decades later.
We slipped out a side exit of the zoo and made what has to be one of the longest walks in the history of mankind to get to the Metro station. There was a dark tunnel where I was pretty sure we were going to get smashed into by one of the cars racing by and then we had to flip this tire before they would let us go any farther? It was bizarre.
So, we had a rental SUV, and when we first got it one of the kids found a wire coat hanger in the third row. I don’t know why it was in there. Maybe a previous renter left it by accident or the company knew we were from Florida and might enjoy a little reminder of home. Either way, it was a huge hit with the kids. Believe it or not, to forestall the constant arguing, we had to make a rule that whoever was sitting in the back row got to have the wire coat hanger. Seriously. My wife and I literally had to say the words “You know the rule! Whoever is in the back seat gets the hanger!” multiple times. Parenting is a journey.
We went to a Green Day concert (it was an amazing show, of course) and it rained as we were exiting the Metro station. The kids were astounded by the men who seemed to appear out of nowhere to sell “ten-dollar ponchos.” That is the only job they want now. Green Day played two entire albums (Dookie and American Idiot) which was super cool for me because I got to hear some of my favorite songs live that I’d never heard them play before like Homecoming, Whatsername, and Having a Blast. The kids did well despite the length of the show and the oppressive heat although my 10-year-old did ask if it was almost over about four songs into the first album (oh, dear). I’ll also always remember my 8-year-old daughter shuffling down the aisle to tell me very seriously that I needed to take a break from singing because I was going to lose my voice. Never, my girl. Never.
I came this close to doing karaoke at Planet Word, an immersive language museum in D.C. A young couple sitting on the curved sofa in the karaoke room was goading me with their eyes. The guy even gave me a subtle hand gesture like, “Take the mic and the spotlight.” It was tough, but I did not relent. Just imagine: you could have had a video of me singing “Counting Stars” by One Republic right here, right now. The world may never recover from this artistic loss.
We took a day trip to Hersheypark where we stood in many very long lines. The park was pretty extensive with lots of rides and a water park. They shut down the rides for at least an hour or two in the early afternoon because of lightning in the area and I was hoping everyone would leave. They did not. We had to wait nearly an hour to do a single-tube ride in the water park just minutes before the park closed. All of the children then said Hersheypark was the highlight of the entire trip. Parenting is a journey.
As we were driving through rural Pennsylvania late at night, I had the sudden urge to take the scenic route back to Maryland via Gettysburg. I wondered what it might be like to run around on the battlefield in the dark when all the ghosts were out. It’s possible I was jonesing for some new content because my ghosts essay is the only thing I’ve ever written that anyone has read. We ultimately decided to take the big highway and not get arrested for trespassing.
We wrapped up our trip with another concert: CG5, a YouTube musician. Only the boys and I went and it once again rained when we exited the Metro on our way to the show. Apparently, CG5 isn’t big enough to attract the ten-dollar-poncho guys. Instead of waiting in line in the rain outside the venue, we walked around the neighborhood until we saw a sheet of torrential rain rushing toward us and we ducked into the nearest establishment: JoJo’s Pizza. If you ever need to escape the rain and are standing right outside JoJo’s, I recommend it highly.
The day we were supposed to fly home, we met up with one of my oldest friends at an Irish Pub for lunch. I selected a quinoa salad to get a little bit of that local Irish flavor. It was uniquely terrible. Another thing that was terrible? Finding out a few hours later that our flight was canceled and there were no available flight options for two days. And those options routed us through Puerto Rico or Denver. At least we got to play mini-golf and hit a few balls on the driving range.
Instead of flying through Europe to get home, we made the drive to Florida. Approximately 13.5 hours from 7 p.m. Sunday to 8:30 a.m. Monday. Then Michelle napped for maybe an hour and went to work because she is hardcore. It’s been over a week now and school has started but I think I’m still recovering. I’m not hardcore. I just got the kids off to school for day two of the school year and went to Lowe’s to buy a trashcan. That felt like a full day’s work. I need a vacation.