I Write About My Children Because My Memory Is So Unreliable

I Write About My Children Because My Memory Is So Unreliable

I know she won’t remember it when she’s grown, and I likely won’t either, but right now, in this moment in time, my daughter thinks I’m the funniest person in the world. Now, her brothers or her mom might argue this point, but this is my story and I am the ultimate judge.

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And Then There Was One

And Then There Was One

My 3-year-old, Bennett, started school Monday. It came suddenly. I returned from my trip to New Orleans and the next day we were walking him into school with his Paw Patrol backpack resting on his little shoulders. It was the same building where we dropped Jacob off for the first time two whole years ago. When we left Jacob the first day, he was fine until the moment of separation and then there were heavy tears. The teacher held him so we could get out of the building. With Bennett, it was more subdued.

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A Few Facts About My 3-Year-Old's Teacher

B with dragon.JPG

As conveyed to me by my 3-year-old. **

  • She is allergic to cats and butterflies.
  • Her school is the building by Mommy’s work.
  • Her dad is a firefighter.
  • She lives at the firefighter place.
  • She likes to say “twinkle twinkle twinkle.” 
  • Her favorite color is pink.
  • She likes to break things.
  • She told him to do homework on the computer using WiFi. 
  • She gets her Christmas decorations out right after Halloween because she’s one of those people.
  • She chews with her mouth open.

 

** My 3-year-old has never attended school.


For more from Explorations of Ambiguity by Andrew Knott, like us on Facebook and sign up here to get the latest updates right in your inbox! My book, Fatherhood: Dispatches From the Early Years, is available at Amazon.

My 3-Year-Old's School Is Scheduled to Arrive This Week

Photo Credit:  Michelle C Photo

Photo Credit: Michelle C Photo

My 3-year-old said his school is wrapped in wrapping paper and is flying in the sky with his friends and teachers inside. It’s scheduled to arrive in our backyard this week, where it will land and take up indefinite residence. He doesn’t know his teacher’s name, but, not to worry, she knows her name.

The school has several very large garages that house all the school buses. Importantly, it also has lots of bathrooms and toilet paper. I thought last week was an Interesting week, but this week promises to be something else.

If you love this post, I have some good news. My book, Fatherhood: Dispatches From the Early Years, is available at Amazon. And if you haven’t, don’t forget to like my Facebook page.

 

Life Imitates Art

Life Imitates Art

My almost 3-year-old, Bennett, was up early one morning recently. Of course, him being up early isn’t unusual; he’s almost always the first up. But this time was different because it was the first morning he felt the need to blatantly troll me while I was still half asleep.

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What Did We Learn This Week? My 3-Year-Old Is Better at Parenting Than I Am

What Did We Learn This Week? My 3-Year-Old Is Better at Parenting Than I Am

Just when I thought I had it all figured out and was really starting to hit my parenting groove, boom, my mom tells me a story about how my 3-year-old developed a new parenting strategy to employ if you ever find yourself in the unenviable position of being in a store with your kids.

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TV and Growing Up

The boys and I were on one of our trademark car rides the other day when a vivid memory popped into Jacob’s 3-year-old brain and he had to get it out. 

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An Imaginary Visit from Pa-Pa

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it on here before or not, but those days when Mommy is working (from 6:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m.) and the boys and I are home by ourselves all day can feel really long. Of course, I’m sure they feel really long for Mommy as well, but it’s perhaps a different kind of long. An apples to oranges comparison, one might say.

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Green Day and Mumford & Sons…as Heard By My 3-Year-Old

Green Day and Mumford & Sons…as Heard By My 3-Year-Old

Jacob (the 3-year-old) reached a very important developmental milestone recently: He started paying at least a small bit of attention to the songs playing on our car stereo system. I was happy at first, because I am more than ready to share my impeccable musical taste with my offspring. However, I was also a bit sad (isn’t that always how it is?) because it marked the end of the obliviousness era. Alas, my favorite 2 Live Crew CD and Tupac’s incomparable “Hit ‘Em Up” single must now be consigned to my handy Discman that I use when I’m working out. The kids are officially paying attention and impressionable.

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Imagination Games

Imagination Games

I got caught up in one of Jacob’s imagination games the other day. This happens at some point every day, but this one was particularly informative. The game this time was jail. I’m not sure where he learned about the concept of jail, but since 90% of his knowledge is derived from Disney Jr. shows, it’s a relatively safe bet it came from somewhere on there. That being said, my money is on Sheriff Callie.

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How to Potty Train Your Three-and-Two-Thirds-Year-Old in 21 Easy Steps

Oh man, potty training! Am I right?!?

Just the thought of the dreaded P word (poop, pee, potty…take your pick) is enough to send parental stress levels soaring. At least that’s how parents of toddlers used to feel. Have no fear, though, those worries are a thing of the past. I’ve got you covered. Here’s an absolutely fool-proof method for potty training your three-and-two-thirds-year-old in a maximum of two days. 

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Link-apalooza #9: Aww, Darn It!

We were riding home in the car the other night and out of the blue Jacob (the 3-year-old) said from the back seat, “Aww, darn it!” It caught Michelle and me completely by surprise, so, of course, we both laughed a little. Huge mistake. Sufficiently emboldened, he went on to repeat his new phrase 57 times in a row. We completely ignored him and didn’t react in any way to the subsequent 56 repeats, but he still kept it up. 57 times. With the same little laugh after each iteration. 

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Someone Is Watching

Some days, when you’re a parent, you find yourself carrying a stick, chasing a crying 3-year-old down the street. There’s no getting around it; it’s just one of those things that happens.

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Money Store Man

Money Store Man

Sometimes it seems like yesterday that I was a young(ish) lad, energized by idealism, prowling the cobble-stoned streets of Cambridge in my vegan loafers. Of course, it wasn’t yesterday; it was almost four years ago. And to be totally honest, most of the time it feels like if it was 100 years ago or that perhaps it never even happened at all. 

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It's Comedy and Tragedy

Every good story is built around a perfect mix of comedy and tragedy. Similarly, every day of parenting has an often not so perfect mix of the same two ingredients. The days the scale tips in favor of comedy are the great ones. And when it goes the other way, well, let’s just say that’s when you’ll find me pounding the pavement at 10 p.m.

Or pounding something at least.

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6 Pointless Things I Say to My 3-Year-Old

Trying to reason with a 3-year-old is roughly the equivalent of simultaneously having a root canal while repeatedly banging one’s head against the wall.

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