My 7-Year-Old’s OSHA Complaint
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My daughter is only seven, but she’s already worked the worst job in the world.
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I started writing down my life goals and it turned out to be a list of places where I want to nap, but haven’t yet
— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) February 12, 2018
Writing about parenting, fatherhood, life, and all things ambiguous
Report: 8-Year-Old Shocked to Learn Local Dad Knows the Song “Love Story” by Taylor Swift
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Orlando, FL — The sky was slate gray and there was a slight chill in the air on the Thursday afternoon when a young girl’s world was turned upside down.
Read MoreHow Emptying Sand Out of My Son’s Shoes Signals a Return to “Normal”
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I picked up my first grader’s shoes one afternoon and sand spilled out of them all over the wood floors of our living room.
Read MoreBewildering Bedtime Conversations
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My 5-year-old and I have many deep and profound conversations at night while we’re lying in his bed. Well, deep and profound might be a bit of a stretch, but they are sometimes interesting, and I often learn a thing or two about his day.
Read MoreI’m Your 3-Year-Old and All I Ask Is That You Memorize This 10-Page Dialogue for My Toys in the Next Two Minutes
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Honestly, it’s a simple ask. I don’t understand why you’re struggling with this so much.
Read MoreChasing One Last Rocket Launch with My Dad
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As I slowed to a walk, I was a bit more out of breath than I might’ve expected after a very short jog.
There was no two ways about it, I needed to get in better shape if I was going to be able to keep up with my dad and his walker.
Read MoreIt Can Be Very Rewarding When Your Child Doesn’t Follow in Your Footsteps
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Three weeks of winter vacation felt like a bit much. To break the monotony, I signed my oldest son up for something called Eco Camp.
Read MoreWhy Dads Should Volunteer at Their Children’s School
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I won’t generalize based on ten or so days of volunteering; I’m sure there are tons of dads out there volunteering their hearts out. Probably a lot more than I am. But at the risk of being didactic, I have a message for my fellow dads who haven’t tried on their school volunteer badge yet: Sign up to volunteer at your children’s school!
Read MoreHow Many Dishwasher Cycles and Car Line Drop-Offs Make Up a Life?
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We got a new dishwasher recently. That might not sound like a monumental event worth recording for posterity, but…wait, who am I kidding?
If getting a new dishwasher isn’t a life-changing event, I don’t know what is.
Read MoreVacationing with Kids Means Sickness Is Almost Inevitable
/For now, he sleeps. His thin, lanky body tucked under the covers. His shaggy hair matted against the pillow. Three days of endless fun came crashing down with a stomach ache that arrived slowly at first and then swooped in ferociously.
Read MoreSurviving Summer with Young Children Is All About Letting Go of Control
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Ah, summer! There’s nothing quite like the heat, sun, tremendous thunderstorms, and long, languorous days. Of course, those days seem even longer when you have a toddler in the house.
I have one toddler left — a recently-turned 3-year-old to be exact — so I still have to get creative to help us avoid a summer swoon. Actually, that’s not true at all. I don’t get creative; I let my 3-year-old get creative and I follow her lead.
Read MoreSometimes Family Bike Rides Aren't as They Appear
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What can I say? Family bike rides always look like such wholesome family fun.
Read MoreThe Tree and the Honeysuckle Vine
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“Hey, daddy! Look! There’s a turtle sitting by our front door,” one of my children announced excitedly on a hot afternoon in May.
Florida is wild. You can hardly set foot outside your front door without stepping on something squirmy or slithery. And while most people probably know about the alligators, the turtles, the humidity, and the Florida Man, if you don’t live here, you’re probably not as familiar with our vegetation.
Read MoreSibling Bike Riding Rivalry
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Learning to ride a bike is a big event in every child’s life but it’s an even bigger event when you just turned three a few days before and your five-year-old brother just learned to ride without training wheels a couple weeks before that.
Read MoreThe Upside of Sick Days
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Last week was quite the week around these parts. It started Wednesday when my first grader started running a fever and had to stay home from school. Even though my youngest child is still at home all the time, adding another child to the daytime mix is an adjustment.
Read MoreThe Hardware Store and a Butterfly Experience: The Ultimate Suburban Florida Weekend
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I’m not saying I’m getting desperate, but I decided it would be fun for us to take a family outing to Lowe’s over the weekend. This may sound crazy, but I can explain. We need some new carpet, and anything beats sitting around and watching YouTube. Or so I thought.
Read MoreSoccer. It’s in Our Blood.
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I didn’t play youth soccer for long, but I made a huge impact. I played just one season when I was five or six, but my unique style and flair is still widely talked about. By my mom, mostly, but still, talked about.
Read MoreLet’s Keep Raising the Bar for Dads
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In my more than seven years as a stay-at-home father, I’ve experienced many unusual moments. I’ve pretended to pour milk back in the jug to remedy an egregious error in milk-pouring protocol more times than I can count. I’ve lied about McDonald’s being out of French fries and I may have given my children the impression that Dunkin Donuts does not make donuts on the weekend. However, perhaps my most head scratching parenting moment was the time I was walking down my short driveway to check the mail, with one of my young children in my arms, and a woman walking by said, “Look at Super Dad!”
Read MoreAnd Still, We Rock On
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Even now, he stills chooses the rocking chair some nights. I try not to take it for granted. He’s almost five and he seems to get a little bigger every day. He’ll be heading to kindergarten soon. When we lie in bed together, it’s not immediately quiet anymore. He tells me seemingly random facts that I finally realized he had learned at school that day.
Read MoreQ and A with Gary M. Almeter, Author of The Emperor of Ice Cream
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I love reading people’s stories and I was enamored by Almeter’s personal and deeply honest tale. I was also fortunate enough to interview the author via email about EOIC, farm life, fatherhood, ice cream, and his writing process. As you might expect, when you get two humorists together, things kind of went off the rails.
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